I have no idea what to talk about. I'm not in the best place at the moment. I don't know why I feel sad, but I do. I shouldn't be sad, though. I literally have everything. I have friends, I have family, a loving boyfriend. I even already have somewhere to move to once I graduate. I am graduating, going to a Fall Out Boy concert. I should be the happiest kid in the world right now.
But, I'm not. I feel like there's something missing. Or that there's too much. Maybe I'm not actually sad. Maybe it's just that I'm not happy. Surprisingly, there's a difference. One of my dreams is to live in a big city. To have an apartment with a balcony, to get a good job and be able to travel. But I feel like I'm weighted down. I don't have money. I'm gonna be stuck in this town after graduation. I'm basing a lot of my future on just one group of people.
My family whines and complains when I talk about wanting to leave. "Brandy left, too, and we miss her every day." But the thing is, she left for a man. I'd be leaving for myself. I love my family, I really do. But they drive me crazy and I can't stand to be near them. I'm stuck seeing them every single day, and I hate it. I don't feel like I'm an independent person. I never was independent. Literally everything I do is just a mirror move of my relatives. I'm sick of being a reflection. I just want out.
Sorry you're feeling so down. Remember to say this: it's a bad day not a bad life. My shrink says that's a good one. Really, there are lots of little mantras that if you have say them often enough, you can really change your thoughts and feelings. But it starts with your behavior: have to change that inner dialogue first.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mrs. Mo. I try to keep a positive outlook, but sometimes it's just hard.
DeleteI am veru sorry! I have this feeling at moments also, and I think its normal to sometimes feel alone in a crowded room, but working forward is all that counts :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, Haylie :)
DeleteThis was very deep. Sorry you are feeling this way. I too want to get away and do something big and live where I want to live, but I feel like my parents will have some say in it. I will try and not be influenced by and them and just do me! I hope whatever you do at graduation is what you want.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Matt. I hope I do what makes me happy, but I have a haunting feeling that I'm just gonna end up doing what others want me to do :/
DeleteI absolutely love this! I feel the same way sometimes and I feel like I'm just trapped left staring at myself in a mirror wondering what is going to happen next. Just remember that you can do whatever you want after graduation. It may take some time to figure things out, but the opportunity is in your hands, you just have to put in the effort. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jazz :)
DeleteYou are not alone, just know that. I know early where you are coming from, trying to get out on your own is the hardest when you have family who want you to stay behind you. Just do what you want , get out and become your own person. Love this!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nat :)
DeleteAwwww u know I love u and always here for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Es :)
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